Petting Zoo

Chris Barger's Column

September 25, 2001

The proper method for scooping Gazelle poop
The first step in scooping Gazelle poop requires 5 steps of which I will discuss in my column over the next few weeks.  I will start with the first and most important step.  Hiring three goons that want their diapers changed and firing one because he actually tries but can't get it right.

What a complicated first step you ask.  Not really, I didn't have to look far before I found three goons to hire and one to fire.  I started by searching out three guys that just don't know anything about football, just fantasies.  Scott, Johnny and Ernie were perfect.  They have been living in a dreamland for years now so it was no problem convincing the scoop my poop and heed all my advice.

Once I found them goons, I lost Derek.  Who needs him anyway?  He tried to scoop my poop but just wouldn't do it the way I told him too.  For starters, he tried to do a good job.  I wanted him to do the job my way.  So we were destined not to work out from the start.  Scott, Ernie and Johnny, well them guys took to me like a duck to water.  We correspond via email to make sure they are running their team according to my ideas scooping Gazelle poop properly.  They are so far or I would make more poop than I am already making.

So see, picking goons to scoop your poop is important to having a small base that reads your website daily.

Next week, the proper method for making Gazelle poop.

Chris